Cruzeiro Speaks English

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Sleeping Pills

An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."

A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"

"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

"That may be true," answered the blond wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"

Vocabulary Help

drag - arrastar
neighborhood - vizinhança
bark - latir
wink of sleep - um pouco de sono
drawer - gaveta
sample medications - amostras grátis
sleeping pills - pílulas para dormir
let's give it a shot - vamos tentar
later - mais tarde
worse than ever - pior do que nunca
tired - cansada
shake - balançar
wearily - cansada
chase - caçar
swallow - engolir

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Six cups

A blonde grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.

"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked.

The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, and replied,"Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."

"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief."Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."

Vocabulary Help

blonde - loura
grab - agarrar
thermos - garrafa térmica
hurry(ied) - correr, ir depressa
hold (hold, held, held_ - segurar
quickly - rapidamente
come (come, came, came) over - veio
take her order - receber o pedido
enough - suficiente
looks like - parece
sigh in relief - respirar aliviada
decaf(feinated) - descafeinado

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Sherlock Holmes

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world famous detective, Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling tales about himself in which he was the laughing stock. Here is one of those stories.

As he tells it, he was waiting at a taxi stand outside the railway station in Paris.

When a taxi pulled up,he put his suitcase in it and got in himself. As he was about to tell the taxi driver where he wanted to go, the driver asked him:

"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?" Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver whether he knew him by sight.

The driver said: "No Sir, I have never seen you before." The puzzled Doyle asked him what made him think that he was Conan Doyle.

The driver replied: "This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin colour tells me you have been on vacation. The ink spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduce that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle." Doyle said:

"This is truly amazing. You are a real life counter part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes."

"There is one other thing," the driver said.

"What is that?"

"Your name is on the front of your suitcase."

Vocabulary Help

tales - histórias
laughing stock - objeto de gozação, riso
railway station - estação ferroviária
flabbergasted - surpreso
puzzled - surpreso, espantado
skin - pele
ink spot - marca de tinta
clothing - vestuário
amazing - surpreendente

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Sex Pills

-- "Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?" "Look, I can't prescribe..."

-- "Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me."

-- The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental; the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE."

-- "I don't know, doc, she's awfully cold..."

-- "One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"

-- "Um... Okay."

-- The guy expresses gratitude and leaves for home, where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. The man hastily pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee. He reflects for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful. Then inspiration strikes he drops one pill into his own coffee. His wife returns with the shortcake and they enjoy their dessert and coffee. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look comes over her. In a near whisper and a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she says, "I...need... a man..."

-- His eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies, "Me... Too..."

Vocabulary Help

awfully - terrivelmente
dessert - sobremesa
worry - preocupar
drop - colocar
shudder - tremer
sigh - suspirar
deeply - profundamente
whisper - suspiro
glitter - brilhar

Thursday, September 9, 2010

What they think of us

At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At 40, we don't care what they think of us. At 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all."

Vocabulary Help

age - idade
worry - preocupar
think (think, thought, thought) - pensar
care - preocupar
discover - descobrir

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Sex

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.

"How did you know?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

Vocabulary Help

dad - pai
litter - ninhada
kitten - filhotinho
breathlessly - ofegante
pick up - pegar
look - olhar
underneath - embaixo
printed - impresso
bottom - parte de baixo

Monday, September 6, 2010

Aprenda as cores em inglês:

Red

Blue

Green

Yellow

White

Black

Gray

Orange

Pink

Beige

Turquoise

Purple

Saturday, September 4, 2010

blood test

Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.

2nd Child: Why are you crying?

1st Child: I came here for a blood test.

2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?

1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.

At this, the second one started crying profusely.

The first one was astonished.

1st Child: Why are you crying now?

2nd Child: I came for a urine test !

Vocabulary Help

afraid - com medo
astonished - surpreso
blood test - exame de sangue
child - criança
come (come, came, come) - vir
cry - chorar
cut (cut, cut, cut) - cortar
finger - dedo
loudly - alto
outside - fora

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Letter of Reference

To Whom It May Concern:

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
  hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
  wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
  thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
  finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
  measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
  breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
  vanity, in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
  knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
  classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
  dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
  promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
  executed as soon as possible.

Delivered a short time later:

"That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the letter sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only every other line."

Vocabulary Help

always - sempre
find (find, found, found) - encontrado
fellow employees - companheiros de trabalho
assignments - tarefas
skip coffee breaks - não usar os intervalos de café
vanity - vaidade
in spite of - apesar de
accomplishments - realizações
shoulder - ombro
every other line - ler pulando uma linha

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Sad Stories

Bill, Jim & Scott were at a convention together & were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.

After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Bill said to Jim & Scott,"Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way."

At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes & Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing & Scott began to tell sad stories.

"I will tell my saddest story first," he said."I left the room key in the car!!!

Vocabulary Help

sad - triste
sharing - dividindo
skyscraper - arranha-céu
meetings - reuniões, encontros
climb - subir a pé
flights of stairs - escadas
task - tarefa

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Rooster Race

An old rooster sees a young one strutting around and he gets a little worried. So, they're trying to replace me, thinks the old rooster. I've got to do something about this. He walks up to the new bird and says, "So, you're the new guy in town. I bet you really think you're hot stuff don't you? I'm not exactly ready for the chopping block yet. I bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finish's first gets to have all the hens for himself."

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. You're on," said the young rooster. "And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap."

"I'll still win easily," said the young cocky rooster.

So, the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race and all the hens gather around to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on.

After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guys lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately the old roosters lead continued to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he just barely led the young rooster. By then, the farmer has heard all the commotion. He ran into the house, got his shotgun, and ran out to the barn yard, figuring a fox or something was after his chickens. When he got there, he saw the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately took his shotgun, aimed, fired, and blew the young rooster away. He walked away slowly, saying to himself.........

"That's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."