The husband lineup

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. The Lord comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."

Said and done, the next time The Lord looked the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

The Lord got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here"

Vocabulary Help

• husband - marido
• lineup - ficar em fila
• die - morrer
• heaven - paraíso
• line - fila
• said and done - dito e feito
• get mad - ficar furioso, nervoso
• ashamed - envergonhado
• whip - chicote
• mate - companheira
• son - filho
• proud - orgulhoso
• learn (learn, learnt, learnt) - aprender
• wife - esposa
• stand here - ficar aqui

The Half Cake Diet

A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight.

She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner.

The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed.

Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out.

She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!"

Vocabulary Help

• gain - ganhar
• weight - peso
• cake - bolo
• weekend - final de semana
• eat (eat, ate, eaten) - comer
• half - metade
• dinner - jantar
• stare - olhar fixamente
• thin - fino
• slice - fatia
• lead (lead, led, led) - conduzir, levar
• whole - inteiro
• upset - desapontada
• lack - falta
• willpower - força de vontade
• husband - marido
• commiserate - solidarizar-se com, simpatizar
• find out - descobrir
• smile - sorrir
• make (make, made, made) - fazer

The Fox and the Goat

A FOX one day fell into a deep well and could find no means of escape. A Goat, overcome with thirst, came to the same well, and seeing the Fox, inquired if the water was good. Concealing his sad plight under a merry guise, the Fox indulged in a lavish praise of the water, saying it was excellent beyond measure, and encouraging him to descend. The Goat, mindful only of his thirst, thoughtlessly jumped down, but just as he drank, the Fox informed him of the difficulty they were both in and suggested a scheme for their common escape. "If, said he, you will place your forefeet upon the wall and bend your head, I will run up your back and escape, and will help you out afterwards. The Goat readily assented and the Fox leaped upon his back. Steadying himself with the Goats horns, he safely reached the mouth of the well and made off as fast as he could.

When the Goat upbraided him for breaking his promise, he turned around and cried out, "You foolish old fellow! If you had as many brains in your head as you have hairs in your beard, you would never have gone down before you had inspected the way up, nor have exposed yourself to dangers from which you had no means of escape.

Look before you leap.

Vocabulary Help

• fox - raposa
• goat - bode
• deep well - poço fundo
• means of escape - meios para escapar
• overcome with thirst - subjugado pela sede
• conceal - esconder
• sad plight - situação difícil
• merry guise - disfarce alegre
• lavish - abundante
• praise - elogio
• thoughtlessly - impensadamente
• jump down - pular
• forefeet - patas posteriores
• wall - parede
• bend - curvar
• assent - concordar
• leap - pular
• horn - chifre
• fast - rápido

The Father and His Sons

A FATHER had a family of sons who were perpetually quarreling among themselves. When he failed to heal their disputes by his exhortations, he determined to give them a practical illustration of the evils of disunion; and for this purpose he one day told them to bring him a bundle of sticks.

When they had done so, he placed the faggot into the hands of each of them in succession, and ordered them to break it in pieces. They tried with all their strength, and were not able to do it. He next opened the faggot, took the sticks separately, one by one, and again put them into his sons hands, upon which they broke them easily. He then addressed them in these words: "My sons, if you are of one mind, and unite to assist each other, you will be as this faggot, uninjured by all the attempts of your enemies; but if you are divided among yourselves, you will be broken as easily as these sticks.

Vocabulary Help

• father - pai
• sons - filhos
• quarrel - brigas, disputas
• fail - falhar
• heal - curar
• give (give, gave, given) - dar
• evils - males
• tell (tell, told, told) - dizer, contar
• bundle of sticks - punhado de gravetos
• faggot - feixe
• enemy (enemies) - inimigos
• break (break, broke, broken) - quebrar
• strength - força
• take (take, took, taken) - tomar, pegar
• again - novamente
• uninjured - ileso

The Five Secrets To A Great Relationship

1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job.
2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man who is dependable, respectful and doesn't lie.
4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.
5. It is important that these four men never meet.

Vocabulary Help

• find (find, found, found) - encontrar
• work around the house - cuida da casa
• cook - cozinhar
• clean - fazer a limpeza
• make you laugh - te faz rir
• dependable - confiável
• lie - mentir
• never meet - nunca se encontrem

The Fight

"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said."Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!"

"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said."So I threw one at him."

The mother stated emphatically,"When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me."

The boy quickly replied,"What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours."

Vocabulary Help

• fight - luta, briga
• ashamed - envergonhada
• throw (thrown, threw, thrown) - jogar, arremessar
• rock - pedra
• quick(ly) - rapidamente
• reply - responder
• aim - pontaria

The Father

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician.

"Doctor" the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I am a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine".

"Nonsense" the doctor said "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool".

"It isn't possible, this can't be". the man insisted.

"Our families on both sides have had jet black hair for generations".

"Well how often do you have sex with your wife", asked the doctor.

The man seemed a bit embarrassed. "I have been working very hard for the past year. We only make love once or twice every few months".

"Well there you have it", the doctor said confidently, "Its Rust".

Vocabulary Help

• bear (bear, bore, born) - ser gerado, nascer
• don´t mind - não me importo
• tell (tell, told, told) - contar
• upset - chateado
• daughter - filha
• nonsense - besteira
• even though - mesmo que
• both - ambos
• jet black hair - cabelo muito escuro
• how often - com que frequencia
• rust - ferrugem

The Farmer and the Cranes

SOME CRANES made their feeding grounds on some plowlands newly sown with wheat. For a long time the Farmer, brandishing an empty sling, chased them away by the terror he inspired; but when the birds found that the sling was only swung in the air, they ceased to take any notice of it and would not move. The Farmer, on seeing this, charged his sling with stones, and killed a great number. The remaining birds at once forsook his fields, crying to each other, "It is time for us to be off to Liliput: for this man is no longer content to scare us, but begins to show us in earnest what he can do.

If words suffice not, blows must follow.

Vocabulary Help

• feeding ground - local de alimentação
• plowland - campo arado
• sown - semeado
• wheat - trigo
• brandish - brandir
• sling - estilingue
• chase - caçar
• swing - balançar, girar
• cease - parar, cessar
• take notice - notar

The Boss

The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read:

-- "I'm the Boss!"

He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:

-- "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

Vocabulary Help

• boss - chefe
• complain - reclamar
• staff meeting - reunião dos funcionários
• get any respect - não estava sendo respeitado
• sign shop - loja onde se vendem posters, avisos, painéis
• buy (buy, bought, bought) - comprar
• sign - aviso
• taped a note - colou um aviso
• wife - esposa

ARTIGOS - ARTICLES

ARTIGOS - ARTICLES

Artigo é a classe de palavras que se antepõe ao Substantivo para definir, limitar ou modificar seu uso. Os artigos dividem-se em Definido e Indefinido.

O Artigo Definido (The) -  The Definite Article - (The)

O Artigo Definido The é usado antes de um substantivo já conhecido pelo ouvinte ou leitor. Significa O, A, OS, AS, mas, em Inglês, é invariável em gênero e número, ao contrário do que acontece no Português. Exemplos:

The boy - O menino
The boys - Os meninos
The girl - A menina

The girls - As meninas

Quando usar o Artigo Definido - When to use the Definite Article

Utiliza-se o The diante de:

1. Substantivos mencionados anteriormente, já definidos pelo locutor:

He wrote some letters and postcards. The letters were to his girlfriend.
Ele escreveu algumas cartas e cartões-postais. As cartas eram para sua namorada.

Mary bought a funny dress. The dress is full of small animals and big flowers.
Mary comprou um vestido engraçado. O vestido é cheio de animaizinhos e flores enormes.

2. Substantivos únicos em sua espécie:

The Sun (o sol), the Moon (a lua), the sky (o céu), the planet Earth (o planeta Terra), the universe (o universo), etc.

3. Nomes Geográficos de rios, mares, canais, oceanos, pólos, desertos, golfos, grupos de ilhas e cadeias de montanhas:

The Amazonas River, The Pacif Ocean, The English Channel (O Canal da Mancha), The North Pole, TheSahara, The Gulf of Mexico, The Bahamas, The Alps, etc.

4. Adjetivos usados como substantivos no plural:

The poor (os pobres), The powerful (os poderosos), The good (os bons), The bad (os maus)

Observação: Como podemos proceder, então, para os substantivos no singular? Como dizer, por exemplo, "o poderoso" ou "a pobre"? Veja: The powerful man helped the poor woman. O poderoso ajudou a pobre. Note que especificamos a quem o adjetivo está se referindo (adjetivo + substantivo)

5. Nomes compostos de países:

The United Kingdom (o Reino Unido)
The United States (os Estados Unidos)
The United Arab Emirates (os Emirados Árabes Unidos)
The Dominican Republic (a República Dominicana)

The Best

Don't be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.

Dale Carnegie

Vocabulary Help

• afraid - temeroso
• give your best - dar o melhor de si
• seemingly - aparentemente
• small jobs - tarefas pequenas
• much stronger - muito mais forte
• tend - tender
• take care of themselves - se arrumarão por si só

The Ass, the Fox, and the Lion

THE ASS and the Fox, having entered into partnership together for their mutual protection, went out into the forest to hunt. They had not proceeded far when they met a Lion. The Fox, seeing imminent danger, approached the Lion and promised to contrive for him the capture of the Ass if the Lion would pledge his word not to harm the Fox. Then, upon assuring the Ass that he would not be injured, the Fox led him to a deep pit and arranged that he should fall into it. The Lion, seeing that the Ass was secured, immediately clutched the Fox, and attacked the Ass at his leisure.

Vocabulary Help

• ass - asno
• fox - raposa
• partnership - sociedade
• hunt - caçar
• meet (meet, met, met) - encontrar
• approach - aproximar
• contrive
• pledge - prometer

What are you doing with the pig?

At the local bar there sat a lady with a duck under her arm.

The town drunk staggered into the bar and said "What are you doing with the Pig?"

The lady jumps up and says, "I will have you know this a Duck, Not a Pig."

The drunk replies "I was talking to the Duck"

Vocabulary Help

• sit (sit, sat, sat) - sentar
• duck - pato
• arm - braço
• town drunk - o bêbado da cidade
• stagger - cambalear
• jump up - pular
• reply - responder

The Ants and the Grasshopper

THE ANTS were spending a fine winters day drying grain collected in the summertime.

A Grasshopper, perishing with famine, passed by and earnestly begged for a little food. The Ants inquired of him, "Why did you not treasure up food during the summer?

He replied, "I had not leisure enough. I passed the days in singing. They then said in derision: "If you were foolish enough to sing all the summer, you must dance supperless to bed in the winter.

Vocabulary Help

• ant - formiga
• dry - secar
• grain - grão
• summertime - verão
• grasshopper - cigarra
• perish - perecer
• beg - implorar, suplicar
• treasure up food - acumular comida
• leisure - lazer
• sing - cantar
• derision - desprezo
• fool - tolo
• supperless - sem jantar

The Adopted Bird

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.

After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.

Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

Vocabulary Help

• turtle - tartaruga
• climb - subir
• tree - árvore
• effort - esforço
• reach - alcançar
• jump - pular
• wave - balançar
• arm - braço
• slowly - lentamente
• ground - chão
• couple of birds - casal de pássaros
• branch - galho
• sad - triste
• mate - companheiro
• it's time - está na hora

Telephone Joke

"Hello, this is your local Zoo speaking. Do you like animals? We are experiencing severe problems with hot water. Would you be so kind as to allow us to bring our elephants over to your bathroom for a shower?"

The most common response: "Well, sure, but my neighbour's bathroom is bigger and better equipped to handle elephants."

Vocabulary Help

• speak (speak, spoke, spoke) - falar
• hot - quente
• water - água
• allow - permitir
• bring (bring, brought, brought) - trazer
• bathroom - banheiro
• shower - banho de chuveiro
• sure - certamente
• neighbour - vizinho
• handle - lidar, tratar

Sunday School

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor thy Father and thy mother," she asked, "is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

Vocabulary Help

• Sunday School - escola dominical
• ten commandments - dez mandamentos
• honor thy father and thy mother - honrai pai e mãe
• brother - irmão
• sister - irmã
• without missing a beat - sem perder tempo
• thou shall not kill - não matarás

Stranded on an island

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

Vocabulary Help

• stranded - perdidas
• island - ilha
• brunette - morena
• redhead - ruiva
• blonde - loira
• mainland - continente
• shore - praia
• swim (swim, swam, swum) - nadar
• tired - cansada
• drown - afogar
• made it - conseguir
• starve - morrer de fome
• endurance - resistência
• in sight - a vista
• swim back - voltar

Stolen engine

A blonde woman is driving a Porsche. She sees another blonde woman with a Porsche that has broken down on the side of the road. She stops to ask what's wrong.

The owner of the broken Porsche said, 'I just had a look under the hood, well, while I was driving somebody had stolen the engine.'

The other said, 'Oh, don't worry, I have a spare one in the back of my Porsche.

Vocabulary Help

• steal (steal, stole, stolen) - roubar
• blonde - loura
• drive (drive, drove, driven) - dirigir
• see (see, saw, seen) - ver
• break down - quebrar
• side - lado
• wrong - errado
• owner - proprietária
• have a look - dar uma olhada
• hood - capo
• engine - motor
• worry - preocupar
• spare - reserva

Speaking to the Driver

In the U.S. of A., buses will have a sign saying "Don't speak to the driver."

In Germany, the sign reads: "It is strictly forbidden for passengers to speak to the driver."

In England: "You are graciously requested to refrain from speaking to the driver."

In Scotland: "What have you got to gain by speaking to the driver?"

And in Italy: "Don't answer the driver."

Vocabulary Help

• bus - ônibus
• sign - placa
• speak (speak, spoke, spoken) - falar
• driver - motorista
• forbidden - proibido
• refrain - não se permitir a
• gain - ganhar

Vulgar jokes

There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.

The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said:

"Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of prostitutes in London?"

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

"Wait, ladies," cried the professor. "The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow."

Vocabulary Help

• joke - piada
• nasty - nojento
• walk out - sair
• got wind - ouvir falar
• plot - complô
• shortage - escassez
• stand up - levantar
• head for - ir em direção a

Sleeping Pills

An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."

A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"

"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

"That may be true," answered the blond wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"

Vocabulary Help

• drag - arrastar
• neighborhood - vizinhança
• bark - latir
• wink of sleep - um pouco de sono
• drawer - gaveta
• sample medications - amostras grátis
• sleeping pills - pílulas para dormir
• let's give it a shot - vamos tentar
• later - mais tarde
• worse than ever - pior do que nunca
• tired - cansada
• shake - balançar
• wearily - cansada
• chase - caçar
• swallow - engolir

Six cups

A blonde grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.

"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked.

The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, and replied,"Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."

"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief."Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."

Vocabulary Help

• blonde - loura
• grab - agarrar
• thermos - garrafa térmica
• hurry(ied) - correr, ir depressa
• hold (hold, held, held_ - segurar
• quickly - rapidamente
• come (come, came, came) over - veio
• take her order - receber o pedido
• enough - suficiente
• looks like - parece
• sigh in relief - respirar aliviada
• decaf(feinated) - descafeinado

Sherlock Holmes

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world famous detective, Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling tales about himself in which he was the laughing stock. Here is one of those stories.

As he tells it, he was waiting at a taxi stand outside the railway station in Paris.

When a taxi pulled up,he put his suitcase in it and got in himself. As he was about to tell the taxi driver where he wanted to go, the driver asked him:

"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?" Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver whether he knew him by sight.

The driver said: "No Sir, I have never seen you before." The puzzled Doyle asked him what made him think that he was Conan Doyle.

The driver replied: "This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin colour tells me you have been on vacation. The ink spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduce that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle." Doyle said:

"This is truly amazing. You are a real life counter part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes."

"There is one other thing," the driver said.

"What is that?"

"Your name is on the front of your suitcase."

Vocabulary Help

• tales - histórias
• laughing stock - objeto de gozação, riso
• railway station - estação ferroviária
• flabbergasted - surpreso
• puzzled - surpreso, espantado
• skin - pele
• ink spot - marca de tinta
• clothing - vestuário
• amazing - surpreendente

Sex Pills

-- "Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?" "Look, I can't prescribe..."

-- "Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me."

-- The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental; the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE."

-- "I don't know, doc, she's awfully cold..."

-- "One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"

-- "Um... Okay."

-- The guy expresses gratitude and leaves for home, where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. The man hastily pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee. He reflects for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful. Then inspiration strikes he drops one pill into his own coffee. His wife returns with the shortcake and they enjoy their dessert and coffee. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look comes over her. In a near whisper and a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she says, "I...need... a man..."

-- His eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies, "Me... Too..."

Vocabulary Help

• awfully - terrivelmente
• dessert - sobremesa
• worry - preocupar
• drop - colocar
• shudder - tremer
• sigh - suspirar
• deeply - profundamente
• whisper - suspiro
• glitter - brilhar

What they think of us

At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At 40, we don't care what they think of us. At 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all."

Vocabulary Help

• age - idade
• worry - preocupar
• think (think, thought, thought) - pensar
• care - preocupar
• discover - descobrir

Sex

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.

"How did you know?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

Vocabulary Help

• dad - pai
• litter - ninhada
• kitten - filhotinho
• breathlessly - ofegante
• pick up - pegar
• look - olhar
• underneath - embaixo
• printed - impresso
• bottom - parte de baixo

Aprenda as cores em inglês:

Red

Blue

Green

Yellow

White

Black

Gray

Orange

Pink

Beige

Turquoise

Purple

blood test

Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.

2nd Child: Why are you crying?

1st Child: I came here for a blood test.

2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?

1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.

At this, the second one started crying profusely.

The first one was astonished.

1st Child: Why are you crying now?

2nd Child: I came for a urine test !

Vocabulary Help

• afraid - com medo
• astonished - surpreso
• blood test - exame de sangue
• child - criança
• come (come, came, come) - vir
• cry - chorar
• cut (cut, cut, cut) - cortar
• finger - dedo
• loudly - alto
• outside - fora

The Letter of Reference

To Whom It May Concern:

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
  hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
  wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
  thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
  finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
  measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
  breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
  vanity, in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
  knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
  classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
  dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
  promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
  executed as soon as possible.

Delivered a short time later:

"That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the letter sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only every other line."

Vocabulary Help

• always - sempre
• find (find, found, found) - encontrado
• fellow employees - companheiros de trabalho
• assignments - tarefas
• skip coffee breaks - não usar os intervalos de café
• vanity - vaidade
• in spite of - apesar de
• accomplishments - realizações
• shoulder - ombro
• every other line - ler pulando uma linha

Sad Stories

Bill, Jim & Scott were at a convention together & were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.

After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Bill said to Jim & Scott,"Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way."

At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes & Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing & Scott began to tell sad stories.

"I will tell my saddest story first," he said."I left the room key in the car!!!

Vocabulary Help

• sad - triste
• sharing - dividindo
• skyscraper - arranha-céu
• meetings - reuniões, encontros
• climb - subir a pé
• flights of stairs - escadas
• task - tarefa

Rooster Race

An old rooster sees a young one strutting around and he gets a little worried. So, they're trying to replace me, thinks the old rooster. I've got to do something about this. He walks up to the new bird and says, "So, you're the new guy in town. I bet you really think you're hot stuff don't you? I'm not exactly ready for the chopping block yet. I bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finish's first gets to have all the hens for himself."

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. You're on," said the young rooster. "And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap."

"I'll still win easily," said the young cocky rooster.

So, the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race and all the hens gather around to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on.

After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guys lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately the old roosters lead continued to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he just barely led the young rooster. By then, the farmer has heard all the commotion. He ran into the house, got his shotgun, and ran out to the barn yard, figuring a fox or something was after his chickens. When he got there, he saw the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately took his shotgun, aimed, fired, and blew the young rooster away. He walked away slowly, saying to himself.........

"That's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."

Vocabulary Help

• rooster - galo
• strut - andar orgulhosamente
• worry - preocupação
• new guy - cara novo
• town - cidade
• bet - apostar
• chopping block - matadouro
• challenge - desafio
• race - corrida
• hen house - galinheiro
• proud sort - tipo orgulhoso
• head start - vantagem
• half a lap - meia volta
• maintain - manter
• shotgun - espingarda
• barn yard - pátio do celeiro
• figure - imaginar
• fox - raposa