College Test

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a test.

I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

Absolutely, said the professor. In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello.

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

Vocabulary Help

• breeze through - passar os olhos rapidamente
• joke - piada, gozação
• tall - alta
• dark-haired - morena
• hand in the paper - entregar o teste
• blank - em branco
• quiz - prova, teste
• career - carreira
• meet (meet, met, met) - encontrar
• deserve - merecer
• care - cuidado, atenção
• smile - sorrir
• forget (forget, forgot, forgotten) - esquecer
• learn (learn, learnt, learnt) - aprender

Road painting

One day this blonde got hired for a job, painting lines on the road.

The first day on the job she painted 20 miles of lines, the second day she painted only 15 miles, the next day 10 miles and then the next only 5 miles.

That day her boss asked her "How can you do 20 miles of lines one day then 3 days later only do 5 miles of lines?"

"It's one long walk back to that paint can!" she replies.

Vocabulary Help

• road - estrada
• boss - chefe
• long walk - longa caminhada
• paint can - lata de tinta

Perfect People

Practically perfect people never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking.

Mary Poppins

Vocabulary Help

• muddle - confundir, atrapalhar

Rights

Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.

E.W. Howe

Vocabulary Help

• rights - direitos
• women - mulheres
• wrongs - erros

Strange but Interesting Facts

Strange but Interesting Facts (3)

• China has more English speakers than the United States.
• The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
• "I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
• Cats have over 100 vocal sounds, dogs only have about 10.
• Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our noses and ears never stop growing.
• Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.
• In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
• Feb 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
• Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. State capital without a McDonald's.
  ==Vocabulary Help==
• at a time - de cada vez
• blink - piscar
• cat - gato
• dog - cão
• ear - ouvido
• electric chair - cadeira elétrica
• eye - olho
• full moon - lua cheia
• grow (grow, grew, grown) - crescer
• nose - nariz
• sound - som

Relativity

When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity.

Einstein

Vocabulary Help

• sit (sit, sat, sat) - sentar
• pretty girl - garota bonita
• seems like - parece
• hot stove - fogão quente

Florist Mistake

On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became dismayed on reading the enclosed card, that it expressed "Deepest Sympathy". While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card.

"Oh, it's alright." said the storekeeper. "I'm a businessman and I understand how these things can happen."

"But," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party."

"Well, what did it say?" ask the storekeeper.

"'Congratulations on your new location'." was the reply.

Vocabulary Help

• apologize - desculpar
• businessman - homem de negócios
• deepest - profunda
• dismayed - triste, desconsolado
• open - abrir
• puzzle over - quebrar a cabeça, pensar
• receive - receber
• reply - resposta
• ring (ring, rang, rung) - tocar
• store - loja
• wrong - errado

More Thoughts on Marriage

Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

---

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another

-- Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?

The other replied:

-- Yes I am -- I married the wrong man.

---

When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

Vocabulary Help

• wish - desejar
• order - pedir
• wear - usar
• wedding ring - anel de casamento
• wrong - errado
• finger - dedo
• wife - esposa

Books

Never lend books, for no one ever returns them. The only books I have in my library are books that other folks have lent me.

Anatole France

Vocabulary Help

• lend (lend, lent, lent) - emprestar
• return - devolver
• library - biblioteca
• folks - pessoas

Reference Questions

-- Patron: "I am looking for a globe of the earth.

-- Ref: "We have a table-top model over here."

-- Patron: "No, that's not good enough. Don't you have a life size one?"

-- Ref (after a short pause): "Yes, but it's in use right now!"

Vocabulary Help

• looking for - procurando por
• table top model - modelo de mesa
• not good enough - não é bom o bastante
• life size - tamanho real

The snake

The snake

An old snake goes to see his doctor.

He says, "Doctor, I need something for my eyes. I can't see well these days". The doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks, and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

The doctor says, "What's the problem? Didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine doc. I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

Vocabulary Help

• discover - descobrir
• eye - olho
• fine - ótimo
• fix him up - receita, prescreve
• pair of glasses - óculos
• return - retornar
• see (see, saw, seen) - ver
• snake - cobra
• tell (tell, told, told) - dizer, contar
• the past 2 years - pelos últimos dois anos
• water hose - mangueira de água

Dinner

My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said:

-- Would you like to say the blessing?

-- I wouldn't know what to say, she replied.

-- Just say what you hear Mommy say, my wife said.

Our daughter bowed her head and said:

-- Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?

Vocabulary Help

• dinner - jantar
• wife - esposa
• daughter - filha
• say the blessing - fazer a oração
• bow - inclinar
• all these people - todas estas pessoas